Thank you everyone who submitted questions for my new advice column on life, love and wellness. While I may not have all the answers, I have some and thank you for trusting me to explore these topics with you. First up is a question from a young woman in a long term relationship that’s grappling with a difficult choice.
“How do you know when it’s time to leave someone you love, that loves you and treats you well”
This is a tricky situation. You love someone, they love you, they’re respectful and kind, but you still have doubts. There’s no glaring red-flags or toxicity, but you’re feeling unfulfilled. To start, having doubts can be normal and relationships flow in and out of passion. It’s not unusual to question things, especially if you’ve been in a relationship routine with this person for a while. Some of those passionate feelings might develop into something more familial.
My sister once told me that it’s unreasonable to wait until you no longer love someone to leave, because often times the love doesn’t go away. Maybe it changes into something else, but it’s usually still there somehow.
You can love someone, but still need to grow in a different direction. When you feel that little feeling in your soul tugging you in a different direction, it’s wise to listen to it. Give yourself enough time to journal, meditate, process and make a pros and cons list. Truly listen to yourself and what you need.
The truth is, love is not enough or the sole reason to be with someone. I love certain family members, but that doesn’t mean I want to live with them or even spend lots of time with them. You can love someone from a distance or still have love for people no longer in your life.
Personally, when i’ve had similar thoughts I would avoid taking time to sit with myself and truly think about it — probably because I knew deep down exactly what I needed to do. I stayed busy and did everything BUT think about how I really felt about someone to avoid difficult conversations, but that only keeps you stagnant and stuck.
I believe when you’re meant to be with someone, you’ll end up with them. Even if that means you take space now to get in touch with what you want. You’ll find your way back to each other if it’s right.
I can’t tell you if you should leave, but it might be a good idea to get honest with yourself and your partner. Have you communicated some of your dissatisfaction or need for growth to your partner? If not, you could start there and open the door to those conversations so your partner isn’t in completely in the dark. Then start doing some soul searching and focusing on loving yourself. What do you need? Do you want to take time to be alone focusing on other things, are you craving new adventures with new people, or are you just unhappy and in need of change?
Be real with yourself and allow yourself the space to figure it out. Be honest that you don’t know and take it one step at a time.
love + light,
Leah T
If you’d like to submit an anonymous question to Heart to Heart, click here